sophie's fair

The Conversion of Saul (c) Michelangelo Buonarroti (1475-1564)

"It is strange. You see, my mother was so beautiful."
-- Joseph Carey Merrick

God help the outcasts... there was a man who suffered from hansen's disease, he religiously attended the church my family and i went to and every sunday, i'd see him sitting about 3 rows away from me, always alone. several times i thought of sitting next to him, just so he wouldnt look so lonely but i never did. like all the others, except for one guy who sang at church (he would sit with him once in a while), i couldnt bring myself to do it. i was young (probably 12), i dont remember why i didnt, perhaps i was scared. i'd fix my eyes on him the whole time, asking myself if he was alright... asking myself if he was happy... the day finally came when i got to shake his hand. as the church was singing and greeting one another, i went over to him (or maybe he went over to me) and touched him. i never felt so happy. he didnt shake a lot of hands, he went back to his seat and quietly sang. that day became special to me.
i was born with a kidney problem, and lived in the hospital for 5 yrs (since i was a week old). my mum was beside me 24/7, refusing to lose the battle. i loved having people around, my sister was my favourite visitor (i didn't know she was my sister... the first time she was allowed to visit, she came in her school uniform. aileen said she couldn't forget the smile on my face as i touched her ribbon shyly... i'm glad for fondly remembered patches of childhood...), but most of the time, it was just my mother and me -- and my almost forgotten guardian angel whom i claimed to be my playmate.
i'm well now, thanks to my two champions -- God and my doctor jack.
scientists look for answers to cure diseases and stop the ageing process. there's even a legend that the vessel (chalice) used by Christ at the last supper is the elixir of life. of course it's all baloney, the cup of Christ is a symbol and shouldnt be taken in the literal sense (watching indiana jones and the last crusade was a treat for me, nonetheless.)

the world tries to rationalise why tragic things happen. who knows the unforgettable story of joseph carey merrick also known as "the elephant man"?
"His head became enormous, the 3 feet circumference was that of a man’s waist, with large bags of brownish spongy skin hanging from the back of his head and across his face. Subject to papiloma, the skin had many folds of excess tissue, and an odious smell came from the cauliflower-looking sac, which hung down.Deformation of the jaws rendered him incapable of showing facial expression or speaking in more than a splutter that was difficult to understand. His left arm was normal and delicate to look at. His right arm, however, was discoloured and grotesque, ending in a 12-inch wrist and a finlike hand. The legs imitated the deformed arm, and a defective hip caused such lameness that Merrick could walk only with the aid of a stick... In November 1884, when he was 21, Joseph Merrick met Dr. Frederick Treves. Seated in the dim light, among old cans and furniture grey with dust, Treves saw a bent figure. It was the Elephant Man whose disfigured frame was open to view. Dr. Treves was appalled. When Joseph rose, on the dictates of the showman, the doctor saw a downcast and degraded figure. A sign in front of Merrick read "The Deadly Fruit of Original Sin." This disturbed Treves greatly; and he decided to move Merrick to London Hospital... The doctor found Joseph Merrick intelligent. He could read and his speech was progressing. The Bible and Book of Common Prayer were his favourites and far different from the newsprint or odd novel he picked up." merrick spent his last few years with his friend, doctor frederick treves. he was also in regular communication with then princess of wales alexandra, later queen alexandra.

everything on earth that has a life (yes, even the likes of joseph merrick and the unpopular kid at school who is often referred to as an outcast) needs the warmth of human contact. i think that to go through life's hardknocks with the will to live and come out unblemished, is what defines a man. society would be losing its humaneness if it only sees what is outwardly beautiful. i find that the most uncomely person often has the most beautiful smile. there's a song that nat "king" cole popularised in 1954 called, smile.

Smile, tho' your heart is aching,
Smile, even tho' it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, You'll get by
If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile ~ and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear
May be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile ~ what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you'll just smile.
~interlude~ That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile ~ what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just smile.
-- Charles Chaplin (1889-1977)

an outcast is someone who is unwanted. we should never forget that most of us have been this at one point.